“Uhhh…”

There it was again.

And just like that, I couldn’t unhear it.

I'd watched Nate Bargatze's latest Netflix special. Funny stuff.
So I went back to his first one. Same comedian, but something was...off.

"Uhhh..."

Again! That filler sound, mugging his own mouth.

Then I noticed my 12-year-old daughter joining in.

"Uhhh..., like, y'know... yeah, uhhh, pocket money, please" (mugging me).

Then assessing a recorded speech for work. ‘Uhhh’ punctuating practically every sentence.
Suddenly, I was hearing fillers everywhere.

But are they really that bad?

The internet screams, "YES!"
Eradicate them! Sound CONFIDENT!

For a TED talk or keynote, fair enough.
But for conversation?

Not so fast.

Fillers do real work in everyday conversation.
They signal: “Hang on, brain’s still working here. Don't interrupt me yet.”
Scrub them all, and you risk sounding like a hostage reading a propaganda statement.

Even for public speaking, one study found five fillers a minute didn’t hurt how effective you seem.
Twelve though…

So, kill the filler?
Depends.

Unless you're telling a joke.
Nate clearly got the memo.

💬 FOLLOW-UP: What word do you say too much?
(Ask someone who loves you. Or you work with. They already know.)

⛔ DON'T SAY: "You say 'um' a lot."
(Unless they asked. Or are paying you to check.)

Enough about verbal criminals. Let's meet the real ones.

2017.
You run security for an American casino.
Cameras everywhere, men with earpieces, baseball bats and shovels in the back of the car.
Then hackers stroll in through the fish tank.
Specifically, the thermometer.
10 GB of high-roller data. Gone.

Hardly Ocean’s Eleven.

Nine years later, the fish have competition.

Cars. Fridges. TVs. Doorbells… everything.
If it’s online, it’s a door (probably open).

Enter AI.
Hackers use it to find holes faster. Security teams use it to plug them faster.
Nice! All sorted then.

Not quite.
Police and spies use those same holes to crawl inside criminals' burner phones.
Plug them all, and the cops get locked out too.

Good, old-fashioned bank robbers? Remember them?
Tights over heads, shotguns and screeching getaway cars.

Now it's a hoodie, a laptop and cans of Monster.
At least the old lot had to get out of bed.

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“Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.”
(Mitchell Kapor, American software pioneer, born 1950)

👇 Answer at the end.

Inbox drowning in spam? (Aren’t they all?)
Blame Monty Python.

In a 1970 sketch, Vikings repeatedly chant “Spam! Spam! Spam!” until nobody can hear anything else.

Fast-forward to the early internet: message boards already flooded with junk. Users recognised the Vikings.

Spam: one word, repeated until it drowns out the conversation.
(Fillers, take note.)

💬 FOLLOW-UP: “What's the weirdest spam message you've ever received?” (Those Nigerian princes still need help?)

High Culture.
What do you imagine?

Prancing prima donnas? Wing-helmeted women belting out arias?

How about a moustachioed plumber who eats mushrooms, stomps on turtles and rescues princesses?

On Culture Day in Japan (3 November), Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario, Zelda and Donkey Kong, was awarded Japan's Order of Culture.
The first game designer ever.
(Still waiting for the call about my Mario Kart trophies.)

Next time video games come up, skip the screen-time debate (kids ignore it anyway) and drop these Nintendo nuggets:

Gamblers' card tables to the Imperial Palace.
Now that's a level-up.

💡 PRO TIP: Childhood games are instant nostalgia fuel. Across any generation.

💬 FOLLOW-UP: "Which childhood game would you happily play again?" (Zelda: Ocarina of Time!)

⛔ DON'T SAY: "Zelda's the guy with the sword, right?"
(That's Link. Prepare for outrage.)

Mario's mushrooms make him bigger.
OKA's new AI mushroom, Mori, makes your wallet smaller.

$649 for a robot that watches you, wiggles, glows, and plays relaxing sounds.
But it does look adorable.

No cleaning. No cooking. No useful answers. No screen.

Basically, a very expensive night lamp with eyes.

💬 FOLLOW-UP: Would you pay $649 for a robot that does nothing but look cute?”
(My kids would. With my money.)

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For when your brain needs a biscuit.

Keanu Reeves plays a data courier carrying stolen information inside his brain.
And everyone wants his head.

💬 YOUR TURN: What is Keanu Reeves' worst film? Or best?

A) 😈 Love them! The scarier, the better (61%)
B) 😬 Fine. If I can keep the lights on (6%)
C) 🙈 No thanks. Real life is bad enough (22%)
D) 😴 Nope. Boring (11%)

💬 Your Two Cents

B: “Not a fan of gore. But creepy and unsettling is right up my street.”
B: “Perhaps I'm the boring one, especially as I get older, but it's just a hassle going through all the preamble when you know what's coming…”
A: “Loved them ever since watching Hammer House of Horror TV series as a kid…”

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Let me know what you think.
I’ll reply to every single comment.
Pinky swear ;)

Alex

P.S. Ever get stuck starting a conversation?
My guide Kill Awkward Silence has 21 openers that work.
Take a look →